Dear Blog,

A strange thing happened earlier this eve. I entered my bathroom just as my kitty cat was standing in front of his litter box, which is also located in the bathroom. Now, normally I give him his privacy, as he is a modest fellow (and I'm no peeper!) but... let's just say, "time was not on my side". So I shut the door and we both went about our business as planned. The toilet and litterbox are separated by the bathtub and shower curtain so at least we couldn't see eachother. At the time it was a strange but seemingly normal experience, like sharing a public restroom with other ladies. Separate but equal. And by that I mean separated by stalls but doing equally the same thing. The strange thing was that the timing was exactly the same. As I was flushing, he was scratching around and burying his treasure. After I had washed my hands we both turned and looked at each other at the same time, and (I assume) thinking the same thing, "Is this weird?" Then we went our separate ways. Thinking back on it, I couldn't help but wonder, is it that weird? I mean, how different is it than sharing a public bathroom with other humans? We were both strictly there for one reason, did what we had to do in privacy, and left the room to go back to what we were doing before. I can't help but wonder... is it ever possible for single gals in the city to co-habitate the john with their kitty? Or has society conditioned to believe that it's sick and wrong?

Till next time...
Peace, love and happydumps.

-GOOLIE

Dear Blog,
They say the good thing about music is that when it hits you, you feel no pain. NOT TRUE. Yesterday Rose flung a B52's cd at me to pop in the stereo and it sliced my forehead open. What's more, apparently spiders had been nesting in my forehead and they fell out of the gaping wound. Then they proceeded to bite my feet. Then I shot Rose in the arm with a pellet gun. Now we're even.

Sadly,
Lady Goolie

The Voyeurism of Goolie Lyon

Dear Blog,

In regards to my last post I have started a diet. In fact all I've eaten today is a bowl of healthy fiberlicious cereal. Right now my stomach is grumbling embarrassingly loudly but I must fight it. In other news, I am a super creepy peeper in the park. Yesterday I had nothing on my docket so I walked to boston commons and sat in the grass behind a bench and drew everyone that sat down on it. Is my creeperism comparable to that of John Sloan? It's not that I enjoy doing it, I'm just really bad at drawing the human figure and I need practice. Perhaps I should advertise for models on craigssshhhlist. Bad Idea you say? You will be raped and pillaged and killed you say? Ok i guess I believe you. Gotta get back to work now, I'm really working for the weekend, and takin care of business in every way.

BYE,
Goolie

Pizza Predicament

Dear Blog,

I am rapidly gaining lbs. As hard as I try I cannot stay away from pizza pies. Always in my eyes... pizza is everywhere in this city! Every corner I turn, the sweet, savory, smell of cheeses fills my nose holes. Cheese pizza, peeperoni pizza, buff chick pizza... duck pizza, these are a few of my favorite things. How do I kick the habit? Must I simply kick the bucket before my love of 'za also dies? I have an idea. I will eat 2 whole pizzas till I have a yak attack and then I'll be turned off forever. Problem solved.

Fondly,
GOOLIE

Dear Lady Goolie,
I almost caused a power outrage the other night when I told my friends that the Talking Heads annoyed the sheet out of me. Also dislike John Lennon for personal reasons. My friends blacklisted me like a Commie Red. Can I salvage my rep? I tend to hang with skinny-fat longhairs. Should I cut my losses?




Dear Commie,

Expressing your personal voice is important among friends and frenemies. If they can't understand that then drop em like its hot. A hot potato. You can't pretend to be mr. potato head and let people change you around. I'd say leave em' out to dry like instant mashed potatoes. Especially the fatties.

Love,
Lady Goolie

WELCOME TO BOSTON!!!

Dear Lady Goolie,

I spend the majority of my time in the workplace cruising the internet and chatting with my no-good friends. I need this job, you see, because I am saving to start a family. How much is too much to spend on lunch each day? How excited is too excited to be for lunch each day? Can you recommend any good books or television shows?

Signed,

Frequently Anticipating Tuna And Swiss Sandwiches




Dear FATASS,

There's nothing wrong with taking a vacation from the trials and tribulations of the modern workplace to slide around the world wide web. However, your behavior sounds slightly manic. First, ask yourself, are you really doing what you want to be doing professionally? Are you happy with your job? If so, stop monkeying around, someone might catch on and decide you're not working to your full potential. When it comes to lunch, I firmly believe that money is well spent on good food. It's something that no one should skimp on. I do not buy store brand groceries and I'm not ashamed of that. I have a collection of assorted fancy cheeses. I think and plan very carefully the meals I eat all day, It's most of what I think about. However I don't always have the cash for that. IDEA: Go to your favorite savory snack place and pretend you're waiting for someone, simultaneously take trips to the bathroom with pockets lined with napkins scoring scraps of foodies along the way. Eat in stall. Once you are full, leaving shrugging shoulders, stuffed and satisfied for free! Learn it, live it, loves it.
As for the book/television suggestions I have two words for you (for each category): Harlequin Romance, and Muppet Babies. That is all.

Best,
Lady Goolie